USFS

Willow explained that skating connects mind, body, and spirit.

I love skating. I am learning to connect with myself, and with the world. Skating has become a language in which I can express how I feel about being alive.

This morning I passed my USFS test. For the last few months Afton has been drilling me and I have discovered what the body is capable of. She is such an excellent coach, and on days like today, I feel that she shines as much as her students do. Weekly she mentally trudges alongside me, trying to break down my stubborn walls. I often finish my programs without an end pose, I forget to smile, and I really, really, really dislike holding my arms out with pretty fingers. If I were six years old, she would simply demand it. But we have a really complicated relationship, where I refuse to do any of the pretty stuff until the actual performance. Ask her how much anxiety I cause within her. She threatens to stick her fingers up my nose if I don't do the pretty stuff. And when it comes time to skate for real, and a judge is holding my fate in her hands, I simply remember to be a pretty princess. I smile, my hands become porcelain, and the judge misses little errors because she is blinded by my confidence. And Afton is relieved.

During the time that I am on the ice for a test, competition, or performance, my mind and spirit are completely in harmony with my body. I feel an incredible fusion of all parts of myself and I am able to function under stress. It is the most beautiful rush, to know intrinsically that I am both spirit and body in one form, and that I can use resources from each. I feel alive and know that I always have been, and I always will be. The speed, the smoothness, the wind created by my own force... I play in a world that is nearly immaterial. Cement ceases to have ever existed, time melts, the ice is no longer cold, and I feel that I am a part of eternity. I ask people to watch so they can be there with me.

The reality of an imperfect world hit me a few hours after my test, when I found myself telling my little skating students to hold their arms up. I may have said it twelve times, to no avail. So funny.